Dwyn is feeling lolsome today. Translation: It's a good day.
Certainly, it is my last weekend at home before I do the moving back to the east coast. An interesting note: I keep typing easy coast when I mean east coast. Freudian slip? Ha. But continuing on. I was getting all anxious about the move, about keeping in touch with people, which I am terrible at, about tying up loose ends, about all those little things that just go on around here. And for some reason or another, I've just sort of stopped worrying about it. We'll find a time to get everything done and the stuff that doesn't happen, well, it doesn't happen and that's that. I'll deal with the keeping in touch things when I get to the keeping touch things. It's not as if there aren't a million methods of contact that I can access with ease. And certainly it is true that some parts of friendships are made more difficult by separation of this many miles but friendships that are meant to last, that are strong, that are between people equally committed to, you know, keeping in touch, those'll survive. And when I get all concerned, I think about Mom and Leslie, who have been close friends for more than 45 years now, more than half of that spent on opposite coasts. So honestly, no concerns can be had!
Yes, it's true some of my friendships will get all drifty and sometimes we won't talk but this is about par for the course. Friends do that, yes? This has been my experience and mom's as well, so no worries here.
An honest thing: I think my experience of NYC versus my experience of home has led me to this conclusion: NYC is a lot less dramatic. For reals. A hell of a lot less. What's up with that?
I mean, I guess you could potentially consider the suitemate stuff drama but I don't that's more tragedy, which I guess can be the same thing but I mean drama like the interpersonal stuff with friends and peers and whatever-the-fucks. Are art school students more chilled out? I don't think so but maybe. Is it the water? And it's weird, I always grew up with that stereotype that New Yorkers were all jerks and that has totally not been my experience. I don't think I've had a single fight with a friend there. Weird. In a good way of course. I've disliked people but no fights. So that's just... well, odd.
In any case, I look forward to reduced drama, my first apartment, awesome painted chairs, seeing my friend folks in NYC, classes and general awesomeness of life. I have decided that the loose ends, the odd dramas and things like that, they are things I often cannot control. So I am thinking the best course of action at the moment is sitting back and watching life do it's thing. People will always be pissed, people will always be annoyed, people will always be frustrated, I might as well do my own thing.
And maybe this means I miss out on stuff sometimes and maybe this means people thing I'm avoiding stuff or not avoiding stuff or whatever, but that's all ok. Drama and fighting take a lot of energy and time and while I've got energy enough, time I've not got and I'd rather spend the time and energy I have on, you know, positive stuff! So I'll do this new thing.
If you're mad, you're mad. And if you're mad and you want me to do something about it, you have two options: Tell me or don't. And if you tell me in a reasonable way and you tell me what you want, maybe we fix this problem, like adults. Or, you don't tell me and I don't guess and nothing changes and there we go. If you're glad, you're glad. And if you're glad and you want to share it, let's chat and I'll know how you are feeling or let's not and I won't. That's how life goes.
Dwyn has hard time guessing. She's not known for ability to play those games. And saying "That hurt my feelings" or "I disagree, let me say why" or whatever in the moment that upset happens is a pretty effective way of getting Dwyn to know that you're upset/annoyed/pissed off/whatever emotion you are feeling. Dwyn's not always great at knowing how to react but she's learning and so patience please. It's a learning process. And she's trying, it just takes time.
Sure, I've not always been great at this myself but I'm making the effort to change. Maybe it's the prospect of going back to school? It seems home life sends me back to high school habits and college grows me right up. Whatever the reason, I'll make a change and try the flowing along with life thing. It's the best I can do.
And yes, now I'm ending this with an inspirational video. It's a great song!
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