Day 3 - How old were you when you knew? What was that like for you?
I don't remember a time when I didn't know I at least wasn't straight. That's not exactly true, childhood was sort of a sexless time. I do remember talking about boys but in retrospect, a lot of that was, well, everyone's doing it, I could too. I came out first in the seventh grade as bisexual, living comfortably with that identity but not really coming out beyond telling two (three?) close friends. Some things happened in the middle and then I realized I was a lesbian when I was a junior in high school. That was a little more of a shock but made signifigantly more sense. A lot of my boy-crazed times when I was younger felt inauthentic and a bit like playacting to me. I could do it but it was boring. I'm sure some may doubt (in fact I know some did, upon coming out as gay, one person remarked that she thought I was more bisexual. A little bit of a surprise to have someone else telling me my proper identity) but talking about boys felt fake. Realizing that this wasn't just a thing I was missing, that it was in fact that I was simply not into cis guys, this was a huge relief. Things made so much more sense. Of course I felt inauthentic talking about boys, this was simply not a part of who I was as a person. Relief!
Most important, I felt whole, safe somehow (though this initial feeling wore off rather quickly due to other shit). Even if being gay sometimes seals one out in the cold, at least I understood who I was and what I wanted. It seemed like my straight friends didn't have to struggle with this heavy issue (though they may have, it just did not seem this way to my eyes at the time), they were not expected to figure out why they were straight, they simply were. Such a wonderful thing to realize that being gay was a part of who I was, no reason needed, I just simply was (and still am!).
I don't remember a time when I didn't know I at least wasn't straight. That's not exactly true, childhood was sort of a sexless time. I do remember talking about boys but in retrospect, a lot of that was, well, everyone's doing it, I could too. I came out first in the seventh grade as bisexual, living comfortably with that identity but not really coming out beyond telling two (three?) close friends. Some things happened in the middle and then I realized I was a lesbian when I was a junior in high school. That was a little more of a shock but made signifigantly more sense. A lot of my boy-crazed times when I was younger felt inauthentic and a bit like playacting to me. I could do it but it was boring. I'm sure some may doubt (in fact I know some did, upon coming out as gay, one person remarked that she thought I was more bisexual. A little bit of a surprise to have someone else telling me my proper identity) but talking about boys felt fake. Realizing that this wasn't just a thing I was missing, that it was in fact that I was simply not into cis guys, this was a huge relief. Things made so much more sense. Of course I felt inauthentic talking about boys, this was simply not a part of who I was as a person. Relief!
Most important, I felt whole, safe somehow (though this initial feeling wore off rather quickly due to other shit). Even if being gay sometimes seals one out in the cold, at least I understood who I was and what I wanted. It seemed like my straight friends didn't have to struggle with this heavy issue (though they may have, it just did not seem this way to my eyes at the time), they were not expected to figure out why they were straight, they simply were. Such a wonderful thing to realize that being gay was a part of who I was, no reason needed, I just simply was (and still am!).
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