blogular safe spaces OR this is my house, don't shit on the rug

So I think it is safe to say that all of us here are aware of the fact that this place is my place. A Madman & Her Bear is my blogular home. My online living room, if you will. And I've opened up my internet home and invited all of you, my readers, in. I'm here to hear what you've got to say and I love having you all here.

But it is my online home. Yes? And here we come to the real point. Most of the internet and indeed, most of reality, is a truly unsafe place. Anyone want to argue this? I think probably not. So there is a need for safe spaces, both virtually and in offline spaces. And the feminist blogosphere is a place for this. Let's chat about Shakesville, a wonderful space that is carefully monitored by Melissa McEwan. Rare is the time when I see any kind of bigoted behavior there and most commentors and contributors are quick to apologize if they do slip up and start showing their privillage. And a few weeks ago, maybe more, Melissa stepped away and was at a point when she needed to make a decision about whether or not she could maintain Shakesville, since folks inability to police themselves most of the time was becoming triggering and too much for her. So there was this thing.

The most important thing to come out of this? The rule that applies at Shakesville, at any feminist blog, should apply at any place period? The rule that applies here too?

This blog is my online home and you're welcome into it. But don't come in and shit on my rug. Clear enough?

In short, this is my blogular policy: You have constructive things to say, things that add to the conversation? Come on in and chat. You disagree and would like to come in and do so in a respectful manner? Come on in and chat.

You want to come in and sling around sexist, racist, homophobic, ableist, agist or any other -ist language? Get the hell out. You want to come and spew cruelty and hate? Get the hell out. You want to come in and use triggering language and belittling words in order to tear me down? Get the hell out.

This is my blog and this my online home. I owe you, my readers, honesty and integrity and a certain amount of compassion. But that's where that stops. To quote the most fabulous Sady at Tiger Beatdown

I owe something to each and every person who reads and comments on this blog. I owe you intellectual honesty, a rigorous dedication to feminist principles, interesting topics, and a truly unprofessional and non-standard usage of exclamation marks and colons. ALSO A SENTENCE IN ALL CAPS NOW AND AGAIN WOULD BE NICE. All writers owe at least some of those things to their readers. What I don't owe anyone - what Melissa McEwan doesn't owe, what Twisty Jill doesn't owe, what no woman owes and what too many women have been asked to provide, as writers and as people - is the boundless patience of the Virgin Mary when it comes to how I or my ideas are treated. I am, as has been well-documented, a gigantic asshole to disrespectful commenters. This is because I want you to know exactly who makes the rules here. I started this place because I wanted to write what I wanted, without compromise and without having to make it "marketable" or appealing to a pre-defined audience. That is how it's going to stay. Because I say so.

Basically, you are, right now, in the futuristic Internet-enabled version of my living room. I will fix you a drink. I will listen to your entertaining anecdotes and serious concerns. Sit on the couch, my friends! It is comfy! Relax here, in this overwrought metaphorical living room of mine! However: if you take a shit on my rug? Things will not work out so well for you. I, when commenting/relaxing in your living room, will try to uphold the same rigorous non-shitting standard of behavior. Like, phrasing disagreement respectfully. Or not asking you to respond to everything I have to say at once, and in the manner I have determined to be appropriate. Or showing up with a big bottle of 2009 I Think You Suck.

So this is the policy here at A Madman & Her Bear. My readers may be few and far between but I have enough of a crowd at times that I do require we follow this. This is a safe space. Your comments are welcome so long as they are productive, helpful, interesting, and, most importantly, respectful. I don't have time for hate. So bring it on and I'll delete comments. You aren't entitled to be able to comment here but if we all keep it respectful, then we've got no problems.

This is my online home. Please come in and have a drink. Avoid shitting on my rug.