In which I wish I didn't have heros

Today I'm working on that fifth paragraph. I wasn't really sure who I wanted to write to today but this popped into my head at the last second.

You are my hero. I've never told that to anyone, ever, but you are. I know you are my hero and my friend and my sister. And in some ways, you are like a child to me. Someone I feel this overwhelming need to nurture and love. Our relationship is rather complex and now... well, it seems to be on the fall again. Even when you don't talk to me, you're my hero. In some ways, I hate that. I hate that vulnerability that goes along with having a hero. I wish I didn't see you as I do. But my mind has framed you in this pleasing light and I know that for now at least, I can't let go. So I'm holding on and hoping this takes me somewhere. I think you don't want me around sometimes. I intrude, I'm not always the person you need. And nowadays, you're closer to that girl. I'm ok with that. If you're happy, then it's ok. I'm not self sacrificing but I know that you and her like to spend time together. Some days, I feel like I'm loosing you all over again. I will get past that feeling, I always do. But it wouldn't hurt to sometimes call. And I know you won't. One of the hallmarks of my relationship with you is that I know to never trust your keeping in touch abilities. You're my hero and I love you and I hate you. See, I just get more and more complicated, day by day.

Quote of the Day
It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11