In which I decide that the person I'd love to date is a reformed me

And this is part four of the fifteen paragraph project. This is for someone who doesn't even read this blog as far as I know. It's just something I have to say and get off my chest.

You don't know I exist. Maybe we talk every now and then and I have hung out with you but I don't think you really see me. I'm invisible to you. You are beautiful to me. Of course I crush on you: You're everything I can't have and everything I want. In some ways, I think like you because you are that which you are. You are the symbol of what I always seem to want. You are an artist, a writer, a free thinker. You are beautiful, not too masculine or feminine, quiet, good-natured, calm, kind, interesting. But its more then just what I want in a partner. It's what I want in myself. I want to be the person I love. Which I suppose means that I want to love myself. You're free of imperfecions in my eyes, though my brain knows you can't possibly be perfect. My heart says 'no one else' and even when I was dating someone and even when I know you're dating someone, I always think 'What if?' And of course, you're more then what I want. You're also everything that I can't have. You're an upper classmen, a closeted woman, surrounded by other, more beautiful people. You're unattainable. And in some ways, that which makes you unattainable is exactly what I don't want in my life. I don't want to be closeted. I don't want to be surrounded by that same grade of beautiful person. I prefer to be surrounded by the interesting versus the beautiful. I don't want to be an upperclassmen or a lower classmen or any grade of classmen. I am better suited to being a friend or a sister or a lover or an anything else. I'm not made to be one of the kids who define themselves by grade and consider themselves one of the group, just cause they're of a certain grade. I know I don't fit in and I never will. But you, you fit in beautifully and stand out dramaticly. I know you'll never notice me but I can wish you would. But know you are in my thoughts. A sister paradox and somehow also perfectly sensable. I'm the paradox but never the sense. Well, I suppose you're more well rounded then.

Quote of the Day
Not often in the story of mankind does a man arrive on earth who is both steel and velvet, who is as hard as a rock and soft as drifting fog, who holds in his heart and mind the paradox of terrible storm and peace unspeakable and perfect. -Carl Sandburg