In which I try to create balance by forgiving a few of the people in my life

Sorry for all the delays... Things have been a little hectic. The rat is named now though. Her name is Odelay. Don't make any stupid yodeling jokes. She's named for the Beck album, not yodeling.

So today, I'm going to create some balence. I've asked for forgiveness, I've taken responsibility for things that I've done. So now, in the interest of keeping things in a semblance of balance, I'm going to forgive the people in my life who have done things that are wrong by me. I've been carrying grudges and I need to let go. Things have happened that have hurt me but it is time to let that go and let bygones be bygones. So here it goes. And if your name is on the list, don't yell at me. I am dealing with my own emotions and needs the way I must.

Anne Marie, I have carried so much anger and hate for you. I have let myself be weighed down with rage and angry thoughts in your directions. I can't do that anymore. I need to let go. I forgive you for everything you said. I forgive you for everything you did. I know that some part of me will always hurt after what happened but I forgive you. I need to move on and I'm going to forgive you. You are ignorant and you didn't know better. Having a friend come out can be scary and you reacted the only way you knew how. I was sad and hurting for a long time but no more. Anne Marie, I forgive you.

Natalie, you ignore me so much and you say rude things to me all the time. I get angry and I get hurt and I let myself get down every time you don't get excited and everytime you don't approve. But I need to make myself happy and I can't let your opinions tear me down. I need to stand on my own and the first part of that is letting go of the hurt. So I need to say sorry and I need to forgive you. So just as much as I am sorry for the mistakes I have made, I want to forgive you well. Natalie, I forgive you.

Shayna, I'm not really sure why we even talk anymore. Actually, I don't think we do. You yell at me, I snap at you, no one does any listening. Sure, I've made mistakes in the past and I've ackowleged that. But I don't think you've ever apologised or taken responsibility for your actions. Remember the breakup with our mutual friend? I won't name names but I think you know who I mean. When you two broke up, who did you blame? Not the friend for not being clear to start with, not yourself for not knowing what was apropriate. You blamed me. It seems like every time something goes wrong, you blame me. I know I've made mistakes and there are times when it is my fault but that breakup wasn't my fault and neither are a lot of the things you pin on me. You want me to be understanding and care all the time and be there and what have you but I have a question for you. Where were you when I needed you? My freshman year, you stopped caring. You only talk to me when you need me or when you need to vent, never the other way around. But I need to let go of all this. You're holding me back and it's a waste of my time. Shayna, I forgive you.

Tessa, you have been insulting, condescending and rude. I can't stand spending time around you. But I try to be polite. You don't have any interest in even feigning good manners. I want to hate you but I know I shouldn't. So I'll keep this short because dwelling on it does nothing. Tessa, I forgive you.

People who have hurt me, I'm not perfect and I'm trying to let go of things. You've tried to tear me down, tried to break my spirit, tried to make me cry, tried to make me hate myself. But I need to move on. I need to love myself. I need to be myself. If you are planning on continuing on like this, don't. If you read this and you plan on acting the same, don't. I'm not ok with that. I'm not superior or inferior to you, don't treat me like it. Don't blame me, don't hate me, don't spurn me, don't taunt me. I'm working on building myself up. Frankly, I think that it's pathetic that you all feel the need to treat me like this. Natalie is the only person on this list who I know a good future is secured with. Everyone else... Well, I don't know. But those around me, treat me well and I'll treat you well too. Want to keep treating me badly? Then get out of my life and stop trying to control me. People who hurt me, I forgive you.

Do comment. I want to know what you all think. And if your name was on here, I'd like to know what you think. There are more names that I could add to this list that I won't because it would be too long and I don't want to pick over fresh wounds. Another time. For now, ciao sweet readers!

Quote of the Day
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher