In which I try to make ammends...

This may be the long blog. We'll see. But I'm hoping it will be. I have been too lazy lately. But in a good side of things, I got a female pet rat. I don't have a name for her yet. Here is the list of names we have written down: Rastus Odinga Odinga (Odinga for short), Bianca, Warhol, Calamity, Richochet, Rhiannon, Odelay, Sachi, Meshugga, Pixel, Neon, Schatzi, and Banzi. Any more ideas or any preferances? My favorite ones are bolded. And now, a picture of the little girl.



Today, I'm going to apologize to the people in my life. I've not been the most fun person lately. I've been moody, irritable, mean and depressed. I've been making people worry. I've been selfish. I've done thoughtless things. And I'm trying to live without regrets. And I've done things that I do regret. I've decided the best way for me to deal with these regrets is to apologize to the people who I've hurt. So maybe I'll apologize to you today.

Sho, I'm sorry for what I've done and what I've said. I don't know why you ever cared for me. I'm not that good of a person. But I know I made mistakes with you. There are a million things I could have done better. Some part of me still really wants to be with you but I know that I can't give you the kind of love you want. I don't know how to. I wish I could do better by you but I can't. For everything that hurt you, I'm sorry. If I knew another way to make everything ok, I would do it, quick as I could. But I don't know how to. If there is ever a way you can think of, please, tell me. I will do my best to make this right.

Natalie, I'm sorry for my moodiness. I'm sorry for my frequent bitchyness. I know I'm causing a lot of fights lately. I'm just upset because things are not going my way so much. I know that you are right to be excited about all this business with boys and the dances. And you and Danielle are better friends then she and I are. So I shouldn't be upset when she makes a bigger deal about you not going to prom then me not going to prom. You are one of my best friends at NDB. I want this friendship to survive. You listen and you try to understand. I listen and try to understand too. I'm sorry for the mistakes that I've made.

Mom, I'm sorry for what a mess I've been lately. I know you work really hard and do your best to take care of me and Garrett. I know it's not easy with me being how I am. No one plans to have a messed up kid. But you've done a great job raising me. Thank you for giving me the home that any child would be lucky to have. I'm sorry for all the times I yell and cry and don't do like you ask. I will try harder, though I can't promise perfection.

I can't ever apologise enough. I know I make a lot of stupid mistakes. I know I'm not perfect and I say stupid things and I don't always do the kind thing. I'm not asking anyone for forgivness. Some of the things I've done go far beyond that. I can't ask for forgivness. All I'm asking is for some understanding and, if I screw things up badly enough, a second chance. I'm not perfect and I never will be but I am trying to do right by everyone else.

Wanna know how you can help me?

Be straight with me. Is there something I said or did? Don't shut me out. Half the time, I don't even know what I've done wrong. You've got to tell me. And then, if I don't have any idea of how to make it up to you, please give me a hint. I can't always know and I can't always guess how to fix it. But generally, I want to fix the problem. Generally, I want to make things right and I will make time for it.

Quote of the Day
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough