why are you sinking why are you sinking and why aren't you just gone?

Hello friends, another night, another panic attack. Do you know what this is? Do you feel this too?

Let me tell you what a panic attack is like.


It's like someone punches you in the gut. It's like someone is screaming in your ears, like someone is spinning you around, like someone is shaking the walls and you want to hide in corners and scream and cry and shrink. Everything hurts, your stomach, your back, your fingers, your toes. You want to hide. Dig a hole in the ground and stay there. You want everyone to stop yelling, why are they yelling, what is happening and you feel like you are falling and no one is there to catch you. And you are crying and clawing and someone is trying to talk logic to you and it's not your language and no one will catch you and everyone is watching you with angry eyes and no one knows what to say, so they spit out upset and confusion and you are burning and no one can find the water and everyone is so calm and you are spinning and your skin feels slack on the bone.

why are you sinking why are you sinking why are you sinking, why is the ground around you sinking, why is everyone else so calm why can't they smell the danger? i'm not asking for attention, help help and don't touch me, ask me and catch me and save me i'm drowning and there's no water and i'm turning to dust inside, someone is eating my insides, i'm burning full of acid and someone is screaming and why are they screaming why are they screaming, why is my mouth open, why is my face wet, why do my arms hurt and my face hurt why why why.

it's going to be the same, i'm going to die, this is it, this is it this is it thisisitthisisitthisisit. no breath, no thought, no feeling, just fear like a worm in my belly and i am tearing off my skin, iwant to slink away, please, stop being so angry, why are your eyes so angry where are the arms that can keep me from sinking, i'm falling i'm falling and i need a rope and ohshitgod i can't i can't i can't

and this is it

so breath and this time you aren't dead