In which Dwyn shall restore amends [and reference Shakespere!]

Ok, so today's blog is a general note, written to a number of people, mostly written because I decided that actually talking to people would not work as I am much more eloquent in the written form. Also, note that I make the effort to write with the phrases 'I feel,' 'I think,' and other things of the like. That means that all of that stuff is not up for debate. What I feel is not a debatable thing. It's how I feel, I get to be the authority on that. This all means that I don't want anyone trying to correct me on that stuff because I do know very well what I am feeling. So anyway, here goes.

Look, so I know that every friendship has its ebb and flow. That's how life is, that's how it's supposed to be. But right now, I'm feeling like all of my friendships are slowly fading. People grow up, I know this is true but I feel like while all my friends have gotten more into parties and stuff in that line of interest, I've gone in a completely different direction. My passions have become art, literature, film, feminist theory, that kind of thing. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs, not because I find them morally wrong, just because I don't particularly care to. I don't party, I don't rave, I don't go out and do the stereotypical things that fit teenage girls just because. I do things that I find fun, because I find them fun, not because I'm expected to. Sure, I've done things I dislike for various reasons. I do them because a friend wants to or because there is a real reason to. So ok, this is how I am, this is why I avoid doing things like wearing something just because it's cute [for example]. I figure, fuck, why bother doing things you don't really enjoy for no reason other than being expected to. Life is short, I'm going to enjoy it and not stress that sort of crap.

But anyway, back to my point.

So ok, I get that sometimes friends drift apart. But right now, I feel like none of my friends want me around anymore. I feel like I'm getting left out and left behind. Admittedly, I have radically different interests but still, I feel like no one wants to make any effort to meet me even halfway. To be honest, I know I can go on. Alright, that's how I am. But in my opinion friends are supposed to at least listen sometimes. I know that there are plenty of times when my friends talk about things I couldn't care less about. But I listen. Not because I care about the topic but because I care about them. If anyone else was saying this, I'd be bored as hell. But if a friend is saying it, I will listen, make with the nodding and do my best to understand because that's what a friend is supposed to do. And I feel like no one wants to do this for me.

And there's also the part of me that is hurting because I made a point to make time for my friends this summer before I leave but it feels like no one made time for me. And ok, everyone is busy, but still...

Next up, the college stuff. Guess what? I'm going to New York. And I don't need any one to give me permission or tell me that it's ok or it's not. New York will be good for me, I'm actually looking forward to it. I don't think I really ever had worries about it until recently really. I need a change and I'm going to a place that I love dearly. It will be a change and I'm sure it'll be tough but it's the kind of challenge that I need. I'm not afraid of going. Some nerves about being able to find my way around the city but it'll be ok. I'm going and it'll be good and I'll miss my friends but it's the right thing to do for me.

My point is that no one, and I mean NO ONE has the right to guilt me or try and make me feel weird or bad about going to New York. I am doing what will make me happy and that's what I need to do. So ok, it may be a little painful but that's what needs to happen. I need my friends to support me but even if you don't, I'm still going. I'm going and I'm going to love it. Ok? All the guilt, all the standoffish-ness, that's not going to keep me home and that's not going to make it hurt less. If anything, it'll make it hurt more because then all the memories we have of this summer will be fights and weirdness and I just want good memories of this summer.
All the guilting and all the fighting and all of that stuff ends up making me feel like I need permission from my friends to enjoy college and I should NEVER have to feel like I'm not allowed to have fun in college.

I just want my last month before school to be fun and happy and wonderful. No weirdness, no ignoring, no guilt. It's hard to keep in touch and it'll be harder if we end up parting ways on a sour note. I think I'm trying pretty hard to be a good friend in general. I don't want to loose any of these friendships, they are important to me. Ok?

Quote of the Day
"If we shadows have offended,
Think but this,—and all is mended,—
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend;
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends."