i mean, i'm sure this will piss someone off, cause it seems i'm getting good at that but, you know, maybe someone will learn or something

This is a thought I have been kicking around a lot lately in the back of my head: Where do straight people fit in the gay rights movement? It sounds like a much stranger question than it is I think. Really, people just don't think about it but it crawled into my head, so I'm going to write about it.

Here's the thing: after prop 8 passed (Thanks Church of Moron (no offense to gay-friendly mormons of course!)), I saw a lot of straight people come pouring out to support gay marriage rights and all of that stuff. And that's good, for sure. I'd never say it wasn't. But you know what? I still can feel uneasy sometimes when I hear some of the things that straight people say, like the things they take for granted that I know I never can. I'm sure someone will find this offensive or full of double standards, but it's true. Straight people can take a lot of things for granted because, well, straight people are the majority and their rights as straight people aren't under threat (put simplisticly of course. Their rights as straight people of color, straight women and so forth have other rights under threat but I'm just talking about gay stuff right now). Turn on the tv, you'll see straight people on every program. Every ad is aimed towards a straight populus and unless you turn over to Logo, all the gay characters are either (a) screaming queens, (b) home depot dykes, or (c) pretty much absolutely sexless creatures who are already paired up with other sexless creatures (in this case, you're lucky if they ever even hold hands or kiss. They might as well be cardboard standups). Oh, and there's always the occasional angst gay/bi who just sort of angsts over if they're gay or bi and does a lot of drinking or nameless sex (I'm thinking Thirteen from House), so yeah, totally great model for the gay community.

Straight people are never going to worry about marriage rights or if they'll be fired for being straight. There's no big coming out things, we don't often hear about parents kicking their kids out for being straight. The list goes on. I'm not saying this is bad stuff, I'm just saying these are things that straight people don't have to worry about having happen to them because of their straightness. Once again, these kind of things can happen when we're discussing sexism, racism, that sort of thing but right now, I'm just talking homophobia.

The point: Straight people don't understand homophobia in how it actually impacts a gay person. They can understand it in a theoretical, distant way but it is not the same thing as having up close experience with it. Ok? Agreed? Awesome, moving on.

So now I'm asking, with the understanding that straight people don't have this crucial experience of what homophobia is and what, really, the gay experience is in a soicety that still delights in tearing gay people down is, where do they belong in the movement?

Simple question (where do they belong?) and I think a surprisingly simple answer. So let's sit down and sort this one out. Stay with me, save questions till the end.

Straight people are important to our movement. They are a support system, they are our friends and families, they are the people who are in a unique position to call other straight people out on their heterosexual priviliage (which is a good topic for a later post). A lot of what we do we can't do without our straight allies. Consider this: When I call someone on using homophobic slurs, I get often dismissed as an angry dyke who can't take a joke. If a straight person calls someone on the homophobic slurs, it often gets taken a lot more seriously, since the straight person wouldn't, in theory, be directly offended by the slurs (once more, another topic I do want to discuss later). So yes, straight people are important to our movement, we do want them and we do need them.

However, I do think there are certain places in which straight people need to understand they need to just bow out of. In particular? I think the movement needs to be led by queer people. I really think that it's absolutely crucial that the leaders of our movement understand that unique and often repressive experience that homophobia and heterosexism are. And as much as straight people can emphasize, it's not the same as feeling it up close. So straight people need to understand this and respectfully bow out sometimes.

Speaking directly to straight people, what am I asking? Don't take a leader role, offer support but don't jump at every chance to run the movement. It's our movement, not yours. We need to take the rights we want for ourselves, we don't need them to be handed to us by people who, since they don't understand the nuances of our experiences, cannot possibly understand the nuances of our needs. Don't EVER invalidate a queer person's experience of being queer and their experience of society through this lens. Just don't. And complaints about seemingly small things, like the lack of queer people on television should never be dismissed as whiney or too nitpicky. It's important for the same reason having people of color, women, and other historically oppressed groups being on tv is important. Visibilty is everything.

Obviously groups like PFLAG are made to be run by straight allies. They are places of support and understanding and they do wonders to spread the idea that perhaps gay people are not sick deviants. But, even if you do lead a group like this, don't ever presume to speak for the queer community. Being gay and being straight should not be seen as being so radically different but in this society, they ARE, so we need to all understand this and act accordingly.


So yes, I think this answers the question but I'll rephrase short and simple: Straight people, we love you but this is our movement, we need to lead it so we can be sure it meets our needs as a community. Support us but understand this is one show you cannot star in.





Really, I do love straight people, I just need to work out where I feel they belong within the context of this specific movement.