In which I say "Goodnight moon"

So here I am, hiding out after a long day of socializing. I've had an overload of people exposure. And thus, I'm hiding in here in the room that I am staying and talking online to Sho. I'm just happy to get a little time off by myself. I like crowds and I like parties but I need my time off alone. I need to be able to think so that i can clear my head. I can be testy and mean and bitchy but as long as I get my time to clear my head, I will be ok.

As for an update as to where I was and what I did today, I'lll go over the events of today real quick. We woke up early, I finished Lincoln by Gore Vidal, showered and got Leslie to email pictures of the owl to me. Then we went to Woodstock, walked around, bought a load of stuff. I got gifts for Sam, Sarah, Pinto, and Chrissy. I still need to get something for Jen and Sho. I might get stuff for other people if I find something particularly interesting but I doubt it. If you're not on the list of people I'm buying stuff for, don't be offended. I'm not buying for everyone. And the gifts I got today just screamed to be bought for these persons. If I find other stuff, I will buy them. Ok? So then we came home, I hid upstairs and we ate dinner and I hid upstairs again. I was not in a people mood after we got home. I don't know why. Oh, and I talked to Sho again. We maybe getting lunch on sunday. That's a good sign, right?

And I'm trying right now to figure out how to deal with the girl who wants me who I don't want. I can't just say no. I know that's what I have to but I'm not good at saying no. But if i plan to try and go out with Sho again, I need to tell this other girl just flat out no. And no matter what i say, this will sound selfish and bad. So I've got to decide. How do I say this so that I don't sound heartless and cruel? How do I explain that I just don't want to date her? I'd love to be her friend, I really would. And maybe, one day, sure, if dating Sho doesn't work out, if she doesn't find someone first, maybe I will want to date her. But right now, I don't want to. And it would be cruel of me to date her when I know I can't give her the love she wants. I just can't do that in good faith. She deserves better.

So what do I say? I suppose I'll start by explaining myself, telling her that I'm not good at saying no. And I should mention that I do care about her but I don't want to date her. Besides that, we work together. It's just plain unprofessional. So, all emotions aside, we couldn't date. I won't give up GSA, I doubt she will. And even if she thinks it won't be a big deal, I do. What about when we break up, as we invariably will? Things will be awkward and unworkable. I can't work with her if we dated. As is, it will be awkward. So the answer must be a resounding no. I have to have the backbone to say, "Sorry, no." Sure, it might sting her a bit but it will be better in the long run.

What I did was stupid. I shouldn't have done all of that. But I'm going to fix my mistake. Ok? So please backbone, come out come out, help me out of my mess.

"Goodnight room

Goodnight moon

Goodnight cow jumping over the moon

Goodnight light
And the red balloon

Goodnight bears

Goodnight chairs

Goodnight kittens
And good night mittens

Goodnight clocks
And goodnight socks

Goodnight little house
And goodnight mouse

Goodnight comb
And goodnight brush

Goodnight nobody

Goodnight mush

And goodnight to the old lady
whispering "hush"

Goodnight stars

Goodnight air

Goodnight noises everywhere"

Quote of the Day
Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self and grows with the calm of a tree. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry