In which I remind my friends how much I love them [and also post this the morning after writing it]

Basically this is just my final post for the evening. I just wanted to say something to all my friends back home in California.

I miss you guys every day, every moment, every second. It's insane, you never realize how much people mean to you until you're a million miles away and nothing seems to be familiar anymore. I never realized how much I depended on all the familiar foibles of the people I love. I'm adjusted to how I fit in with my old friends, in my familiar habitats. It's a place I understand. Being in New York still feels like some kind of trip. It's not believable that I would stay here for any length of time. Being away from friends and family is really hard for me, since many of those bonds are so tight and stretching them is like the most unimaginably awful pain I can think of. It's like a physical pain some days, the sort of pain I can feel itching in my chest, curled up in my head. It's a pain that can only fade, the way a muscle begins to stretch and lengthen when stretched over a long period of time. I accept this, even if it is a reality I do not like and do not want to be too friendly with.

But tat is not the point of what I am trying to say tonight, as I sit in the hallway, listening to night time New York. Here is what I am sating:

Every night, as I curl up in bed, getting ready to conk out for the night, I think of home and I think of all the people who make California my home. I name as many people as I can think of in my head, I try and visualize every face I can, I try and hear every voice, every favorite phrase, every much loved conversation. I touch the heart Genya sent me, I hug the stuffed animals I got back home and I think of the people people back home who I love now, and those who I once loved, even if they are no longer a part of my life.  I think of everyone I can. Invariably I forget a person or two but I try to remember every single name I can and those who I can't, I'm thinking of you too, but you know how forgetful I am! 

And then, I do this:

I hope for beautiful things for you. I hope there is love in your life, that there are friends who are all around you, that you do not feel alone. I hope you know you are loved, that you can feel the hearts of the people who hold yo so dear. I hope you have the support that you need and that you are not afraid to ask when you do not.  I hope you smile every day and that you learn something new about the world.  I hope you see a million different views. I hope you keep your heart open. I hope you wake up to the sound of music. I hope you dance for no reason and with no music. I hope you hug trees and find shapes in the clouds. I hope you don't loose the spark that makes you so special, the person that is so loved. I hope that your wildest dreams come true, that you find friends you never knew you had, that you can forgive old enemies, that you haven't spoken to in years. I hope you make art and I hope you make your life a gateway for bliss to enter into this world. I hope you indulge in Sunday morning cartoons. I hope you read a good book. I hope you find a favorite song. I hope you find someone or many people who make you happy. I hope you never worry too much, about anything. I hope you find a family that cherishes you the way you deserve. I hope nothing ever holds you back. I hope you sometimes do ridiculous things, just because they are fun and because why else would we be here? I hope you do something impossible. I hope you laugh at death and church and people who take things too seriously. I hope you sing, off key AND on. I hope you always feel wonder and amazement, even when you really do know how things work. 

Most of all, I hope you can feel my love, that you know that I care about all of you. I miss you all, every day. You are amazing people and it's ridiculous that I ever stop telling you that. 

So if you're ever up at around midnight NYC time and you feel someone hugging you or you hear a voice in your head telling you all the things it wishes for you, know that it's just m, sending all the good energy I can yo you. I love you all so much and I can't wait to see each and every one of you when I come home. And even if we haven't talked in a while, I probably still think of you, call you to mind to wish you good things. Don't ever be afraid to email or call to ask for anything or just to chat. Strike up old friendships, let's pick up where we left off.

Good night, you are the most amazing, spectacular, special, beautiful people I know!

Quote of the day

The language of friendship is not words but meanings. ~ Henry David Thoreau