dwyn has a birthday and does more thinking about cunts in general

Hey everyone! Guess whose birthday it is! But anyway, that's not actually my point today...

A little while ago, I wrote a poem sort of dealing with my feelings on the word cunt. It's maybe two or three posts ago if you're curious. And then, reading one of the comments, I figured I really ought to clarify my position on this word, since it's something that I'm still learning about and still coming up with thoughts about. So here goes.

First things first, this is a word I've become more familiar with as I've traveled into the splendid world of feminism. Really, I'm just at the very earliest stages of feminism and I'm still learning what that means and what I feel about the various issues (and there are MANY), but the issues around the word cunt are issues I feel that I actually have a good grasp of and can discuss with some understanding. But be patient with me, I'm only a young Blamer (which is a reference I suspect none of my readers will understand. That's ok), and I'm just learning how to write about this stuff. Ok? So like I was saying, cunt is something totally tied into my feminist explorations. One of the blogs I read now regularly has a blogmistress who, among other various nicknames, has sometimes called herself 'Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain.' There is actually a history behind the name but I'm not getting into since it's got nothing to do with this topic, aside from the fact that that name, to my early feminist ears at first freaked me out something awful. Seriously, cunt was something that I was stalwartly against since it, like words like fag and nigger, are words never meant kindly. 

And then, through much more reading, both at that blog (Shakesville if you're interested) and in other places in general, I actually started changing my mind about this word. It's important to note here that while there's no official feminist 101 place for all this info, I'd really highly recommend you all take a trip over to Shakesville and see what's going down there. They've got a great feminism 101 section that breaks down a bunch of the issues and the commenters are super friendly, so if you've got questions about anything, they are always happy to clarify so long as everyone is respectful and privilege aware and all that. So check it out, there's a link in the sidebar. 

So yes, cunt is a word that has been used to put down and demean women for some time now. This is true, I do not deny this. However, so was queer, so was dyke, so were a myriad of other words. That doesn't mean you can come right out throwing cunt around any old way you please. There are certain ways to use cunt that are ok and certain ways that are not, at least this is how I see it if we want to really take the word back all the way.

First off, cunt is never an insult. Ever. Plain and simple. We can all acknowledge that cunt is really a rather powerful word in this country. Say it and you get stares, gasps, angry people, and so forth. So basically what I'm saying is that you can't use that power to demean other people. You just can't, that's not how a word gets reclaimed. And if you choose to use cunt as an insult and then get called on it, you have no right to throw a fit over it. If we're ever going to reclaim the word, we can't let it be used like that. So, as well as being aware of the possibility of being called on misusing that word, also be aware that you have the right and indeed the responsibility to call other people on the misuse of the word if you have the ability to do so. It's weird to call other people out on their words but its important. So get to it!

Second off, who can use the word is a really important issue too. And this is the place where a lot of people get bogged down and complain about double standards and sexism against men and all that other sort of stuff. So stay with me here and save questions for the end. If I'm in a feminist space or even just a space occupied by only women and I hear the word cunt thrown around, I'm a hell of a lot more happy than if I'm in a space occupied by mainly men and I hear cunt getting thrown around. Why? Because the oppression of women with 'cunt' is historically from me. Yes, I understand that women do it to but the point still stands. It is much the same as my discomfort with straight people using words like fag. 

Allow me to clarify that last point a little better. It's looking a little muddled and I needed a paragraph break. Basically I mean to say this: When a woman uses the word cunt in a non-insulting way, she is taking the word for herself, using it in a way that is both ironic and empowering. And it enables her to own the words used for her oppression because by owning the words the oppressors use, we can throw off their chains. Sure, that sounds a little poetic but it's true. So basically owning the terms=taking them back=taking away the negative power they have over us. And it also means that when someone calls you a cunt in a negative way, you can simply say "hell yes I am, I'm the queen of cunts and don't you forget it." We take away their power in this way and it's subversive and deliciously wonderful.

Alternately, let's discuss men who use the word. While I understand that there is always some bitching about double standards here, let me be frank. I am not comfortable with men using the word cunt, in much the same way I am not comfortable with straight people using the word fag and in the same way I know it's not ok for me to use the word nigger. It is not ironic and empowering for a man to say cunt. Full stop. It's not. There is no history behind men being oppressed with this word, there's nothing for them to take back there. Yes, there are certain exceptions, this is true. Men who know how to use the word and use it appropriately in the company of women who they know are ok with them using this word are doing it right. It is the same way I feel about queer words like dyke and fag. I am far more comfortable with my straight friends (rather than say, random straight people I don't know) using those words since I know their intent and I know that when they use those words, they will not use them as insults. That is in no way a sign for them to go apeshit and start using fag or dyke as they please. It just means that if they know better that to use them as an insult and they use them appropriately, that's fine by me. 

Did any of that make sense? I'm sticking to the issues of queer issues and feminist issues since I am not really qualified to be making any statements about race, since my experience with those issues is far less (meaning not at all really, aside from some workshops and some of my own research).

So I'm going to sort of cut myself off there since I've got some studying to do for a take-home midterm I've got today. But I will return to this topic soon since I think it's both interesting and important. I'll leave you all with my list of rules about the word cunt, which will probably serve well as a preview of what's to come.

Dwyn's list of rules for using the word Cunt.

1. Be aware of it's cultural meanings. It's got a past, know it or at least understand why it is what it is.

2. Never use it as an insult

3. Men must use it in appropriate ways- meaning only with women who are comfortable with their using it and never as an insult

4. Women who use it as a take-back term deserve respect for doing this, it's a tough battle.

5. Never play the 'which one's worse' game with cunt or other words used as slurs. They all suck when used that way.

6. Just be aware and make sure you're using it in a way that is respectful and doesn't make other people feel unsafe.